We are having the first conversations about me moving in with you...
It's such an exciting and new and fun thing but at the same time, I'm absolutely petrified. I'm scared I'm not making enough money to do this, I'm scared that we're going to implode, I'm scared we're going to fight.
I want this. I want to start building our life together. I want to call your place home. I believe we're ready for this. But, it's not an apartment, it's a HOUSE.
I don't know if I can explain this properly or in a way that will make any sense. When something breaks at your apartment, you call your landlord and ask for the to fix it. If you aren't happy in that apartment, you leave the next year. There are utility included options. There are so many things... I guess I wish we had met a year earlier so that we would have an apartment not a house, I suppose. But I don't mean that because you love your house... I wouldn't want to take that away from you. Maybe this will all work out and we won't have to worry about me being Israel anymore.
But I'm not ready to have a house to take care of. I want to live with you, but thinking about the upkeep makes me want to throw up. Thinking about what would happen if I couldn't pay as much as you wanted me to makes me want to shoot myself. Maybe you can be my landlord and I'll pay you in rent or something. I don't fucking know.
I don't want to disappoint you. I don't want this to be the eyeopening "wow, I really could be doing better than this bitch." Moment for you.
So it's currently 4:27am and I'm applying for jobs that will give me more money so that I can live with you and not live off of Ramen and the salt from my own tears.
****
It's technically midnight so realistically I should make a post for tomorrow.. Whatever ✌🏻️
Cleaning out my room today was such a "holy shit this is actually happening" moment for me. I'm still really nervous that this isn't going to pan out after we have the money conversation. I don't know. Realistically I already "live there" so maybe you're going to think of it more like any form of rent would be a good thing...
I am looking into better jobs now though. I really want this to work... I want to live with you and share a closet and a house and all that stuff. I want to walk in and say "hey baby I'm home." Because you feel like home.
I wish you weren't on call this week so we could have all of these talks now and they wouldn't be hanging over our heads.. But I mean we have the rest of our lives to enjoy living together.
I love you so much Kevin. I am so excited to be making this step with you, to be working towards our life together and getting closer to each other :)
I love you bub.
Always your's,
m
****
It's technically midnight so realistically I should make a post for tomorrow.. Whatever ✌🏻️
Cleaning out my room today was such a "holy shit this is actually happening" moment for me. I'm still really nervous that this isn't going to pan out after we have the money conversation. I don't know. Realistically I already "live there" so maybe you're going to think of it more like any form of rent would be a good thing...
I am looking into better jobs now though. I really want this to work... I want to live with you and share a closet and a house and all that stuff. I want to walk in and say "hey baby I'm home." Because you feel like home.
I wish you weren't on call this week so we could have all of these talks now and they wouldn't be hanging over our heads.. But I mean we have the rest of our lives to enjoy living together.
I love you so much Kevin. I am so excited to be making this step with you, to be working towards our life together and getting closer to each other :)
I love you bub.
Always your's,
m
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