4-25-16

Hello my love,

 You've been so stressed lately. I wish I knew a way to make it easier for you. I do everything I know how to and everything I can think of to help, but sometimes I feel like it isn't enough. I feel like there is always something else I could do if I could only think of it. I don't know, I worry that I don't do enough to show you that I'm here for you. I know you're a very internal person and that it's hard to put your stress into words, so I try to push you to talk about it and I never know if that's helpful or hurtful. I promise I'm always just trying my best to help.

Lately we've been joking about what our first dance will be. Today you suggested Andrew W. K.'s party hard. I laughed so hard at work that I had to explain why I was laughing to a manager (who was right next to me). You always do put a smile on my face. Whether it's because you're being goofy or kind or sweet or just because I look at you and know that you are mine. I've been called so many things over the course of my life (both good and bad) but being called your's is my favorite and I think it always will be.

You're on call these next two weeks and I know that's your like least favorite thing ever. I am so amazed by how hard you work and it's clear that you're respected at work (even if you annoy people sometimes.) Maybe I'll try to do something fun for you while you're on call this time to make it suck a little bit less.

Fuck, I'm so in love with you. Sometimes when I write these I think about future Kevin reading all of this and wonder how you'll be then, how much we will have grown as people and as a couple. I wonder if you'll still have the mustache and how things will be with us.

You're home!!!

I love you so fucking much Kevin. I hope you see how much you mean to me.

Xoxo
M

4-11-16

Hello my love,

Your parents should be here any minute so naturally I'm freaking the fuck out and you aren't here to forehead kiss me better. I'm so sorry I've been so anxious. I know that its not always easy to deal with, but thank you for being so patient and loving about it always.

Hopefully I will not be so nervous and will be able to enjoy seeing your parents. I owe those people so much happiness. I know you don't always agree with your mom, but she gave me you... that's like incredible. That's the greatest.

Oh, bub. I wish you were here already. You would know what to say to me to make me calm down and stop freaking out like an asshole.

Cue the garage door. Perfect timing my love.

I love you so much
M

4-10-2016

Hello my love!

Well, I immediately fucked up the everyday thing.. my bad...

Today we are making kimchi! I'm secretly very thankful you agreed to use the cooler I made for you. I feel bad that I got you a birthday present that you have never used... That could just be me overthinking, you could love it...

Your parents are coming tomorrow. I know that they like me but I want them to "please spend the rest of your life with my son" like me... I know that its silly to you sometimes how much I worry that they don't like me all that much, but I really hold what your parents think of me in a really high regard.

I've noticed something and it could just be me being paranoid as fuck, but I feel like there's only one of us using the "m" word and that would be me..* Maybe I'm just overreacting, maybe I'm just like wowza, I want you and you and no one else but you. So I'm not afraid to say those things because I genuinely feel like I don't want anyone else for the rest of my life.

Oh my god... You like want to actually get married someday, right?

Sorry I'm very anxious today. A customer was very aggressive and it wasn't a good situation.

You're starting to get suspicious of me because I'm not helping with dinner yet, so I have to run!

I love you more and more everyday.

xoxo
M



*Marriage/Marry/etc.

April 7th, 2016

Hello my love,

I am currently sitting on the couch with you. Being especially sneaky lately, look at me go! I couldn't even give you any words to tell you how much it meant to me that you sneakily wrote me your thoughts over a month that I'm challenging myself to write you (nearly) everyday until our second anniversary. (may all the gods be with me)

Today was a weird day for me. I feel like I've been having a lot of days that are roller coasters, really bad things happening and then really good things happening. Today a man overdosed in front of Old Navy.. Its a weird thing to be from New Hampshire lately... I know that you always make fun of NH, but I wish you could see it the way that I saw it. New Hampshire was the first love of my life. Now New Hampshire is full of heroin and cows.

I had my second therapy appointment today. Thank you for being so incredibly supportive of me going back to therapy. Thank you for letting me make the call and not pushing me to do so.

You are currently a bit sickly, Bub. You get extra stubborn when you're sick. Your pouty face is looking at me.

So essentially.

Welcome to this, your super secret blog to be filled with love and memories and everything we go through this year. I will do my best to not go back and edit, even though it goes against everything I've been taught.

I am the luckiest.
M