11-7-16

Hello my love.

Things have been absolutely insane lately. So let's do a run down shall we?

Frank and Teresa's wedding!
We went to Rochester and it was so much fun! You took me to Jay's Diner, Mighty Taco. You gave me a tour of RIT including The Answer. (I also referred to college students as "kids" for the first time in my life.) We got some pints at MacGregors and it was so wonderful to be able to see all of the places your college adventures happened. It meant so much to see you light up and tell me story after story about random bars, streets and happenings.

I am so lucky to be able to have you now Kevin. I am constantly grateful for you. I am grateful for your experiences, for where you have been, for who you have been with before me, and how different our paths to each other have been. Everything you've done and been through before me has created the most wonderful, caring man I've ever known. That path brought you to me and I will never be able to thank the universe enough for that,

I spent a bunch of quality time with Teresa while you and Frank went to Toronto. I'm quite lucky to have her as an Outlaw.

The wedding went so well. We danced our faces off and I'm very much looking forward to seeing the pictures of us from it. We got to spend so much time with your nieces and your family. It was the first time that I really felt like your family was my family.

1-4-17

Hello my love,

You had to go back to work yesterday and you were less than pleased about it, but you didn't have as many emails as you expected!

You are just getting over a sinus-y thing, so naturally I am currently getting it. You always try so hard to get me to not kiss your face when you're sickly but I can't go too long without Bub kisses.

Today is a little hard for me. It might be because I am getting sickly, it could be because I'm on my period, it could be a combination of both? I feel like I'm in such a lull lately, I feel like I only feel like me when I am with you. I don't know if that makes sense. I feel like I'm the me-est me when I'm with you.

You had a meeting all day long today. You are so wonderful and patient. Now after you have had a long day at work and now you are on your way to get food for us. You are the most wonderful man on the planet baby. I have no idea how I got so fucking lucky to have found you. You have no idea how much you mean to me, how much you do for me. I've never met anyone like you Kevin. You have shown me love in so many ways. You show me love in every single thing you do, every single day. I could never thank you enough for that. I constantly think what I ever fucking did to become so lucky.

Thank you for making me believe in love again. Thank you for giving me hope. Thank you for everything you do for me, from the forehead kisses, to the massages, to grabbing dinner for us after a long day of work.

I love you so much baby,

Your's always
M

1-2-17

Hello my love,

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! We rang in the new year with Dylan and Kaitlin! We played board games and had delicious mussels and Buffalo wings!

I know I tell you all the time, but I genuinely can't tell you enough how much it means that you and my brothers get along so so well. Having Dylan have a safe is so important right now and I'm so happy that it's our home.

I always get so nostalgic when it's the new year. I can't stop thinking about the first time I was in your apartment in the mills cuddling up on Ashwins couch watching a movie you knew I'd really like. I remember my heart beating a mile a minute every time you squeezed me or pulled me in closer. I remember how embarrassed I was coughing up a lung every 2 minutes.

I remember you leaning in for our very first kiss. I remember the swarm of butterflies and the immense feeling of anticipation. The most wonderful part is that when one of us gets home, I still feel that, nearly two years after the very first kiss. Every kiss gets me tingly and butterflies explode in my tummy.

I remember trying to flirt with you but having no game. Never knowing then what you would mean to me now.

I remember telling my friends about you for the first time. Giggling over how cute is thought you were (and still Giggling about how cute you are now).

We've already come so far together baby. I'm constantly amazed by the growth that you've had in the past year and a half. How much better you are at expressing yourself, how much easier it is for you to speak on your emotions, how well you express sexually desires. I'm so proud of you baby.

I love you so much Kevin.

2016 was such a shitty year, but I got through and read all these entries about our adventures and remember that even in the shittiest year, there was still sunshine because you were by my side fighting for us and our happiness. Laughing and loving our way through this dark, oftentimes scary world...

I love you more than anything,
Your's
M

10-10-16

Hello my love,

We have been so crazy town lately!!

We have officially hit the year and a half mark! Thank you for making the past year and a half of my life the happiest, most exciting of my entire life.

We rented a Slingshot last weekend, and it was absolutely crazy fun! We went way up north, all the way to Wolfeboro! We even got to go to that little brewery that you really really liked! It started pouring on the second day we had it, and even that was incredibly fun. I loved it and we had a whole lot of fun!

This past weekend, we went to the Topsfield Fair in Mass. We ate tons of fair food, you won me a cow, and we got our first caricature done together! Also, I got licked by a cow and it was awesome.














We're getting ready to go to Rochester for Frank and Teresa's wedding. You don't seem very excited for this. If anything, it seems like you don't want to go at all... I don't know how to get you excited... I feel like I'm to blame for this..

I'm so sorry that I'm so crazy about weddings right now, its hard to explain out loud, but I feel like I'm surrounded by engagements and weddings and every week there are more and more. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know we aren't ready but I just feel this immense pressure to be at that point. Its like because we aren't there, its like we're being left behind, or we're falling behind from where we're supposed to be...

You make me so happy, you make me believe in a future for the first time in a really really long time. You make me believe in forever. You make me believe that I can be with some one for keeps. You make me believe in so many things..

I love you so much Kevin. You are my very best friend and I know that someday we will be planning a really great party to celebrate us and how much we love each other. We'll let everyone know that we pick each other for keeps and that we don't want to kiss anybody else. I know that we will get there. I know that we will try 75 different cakes and look at pretty places to have the party and narrowing down the people we invite. I know that we will get there.. its just hard for me sometimes.

So essentially, I'm sorry if I'm the reason you aren't excited for your brother's wedding as much as you should be, I'm sorry if I'm stressing you out about this. I don't mean to, I promise.

I think I'm going to try to include more pictures in this thing from now on, I think you'd like that.

Your's,
M

9-17-16

Hello my love,

I'm sorry that it's been so long but we've been very crazy lately. We have it both your parents and her only up for a week which was nuts we got through it. I've been working crazy hours lately and we've both been stressed the fuck out.

Your parents' visit was really nice and I feel like your parents really saw me for the first time. Your dad gave me a real dad hug and it was really awesome. I saw your mom as Princess Michele for the first time and we had a good chuckle about it after the fact.

Having Hurley here was also really nice. I hope you enjoyed it. You seemed to...

Since last time we have three babies now: George, Pablo, and Steve Bushemi. They are beautiful fish even though George is a fucking asshole and beats up the other two...

We went apple picking at Lull Farm in Hollis and brought back10 gallons of cider to make hard cider for Frank and Teresa's wedding (and also some for us!!)

Last night we had really beautiful, lovey but also intense sex and I have the bruises to prove it.

Last night we also made chicken tiki marsala and it was delicious. I love so much when we cook together. It's one of those things that prove we're better as a team. We also finished Dr. Strangely Strangelove, which I very much enjoyed.

Today you got fitted for a tux for Frank's wedding and visited me at work. We got Buffalo Wild wings for lunch and I got to stare at your beautiful face.

Tonight we brewed the second thing (your delicious Celtic red) for your brothers wedding. Tom from the home brew store came over and we had a really great time. We had many different discussions about beer and feminism and rap and it was quite lovely.

I can't even begin to tell you how wonderful it is knowing that you are always by my side.

You're back from the potty!!! Can't let you in on this secret quite yet!!!

Your's
M

8-2

Hello my love,

I am tummy sick because you were tummy sick. We do love sharing with each other,don't we?

I don't think I tell you enough how much I appreciate the fact that you always show love. Love is a verb, thank you so much for not having to say that you love me out loud  (but thank you so much for actually saying it.)

You are currently making me soup from scratch and I'm posted up in the yogi yogibo on the kitchen floor with a puke bucket next to me. I'm sorry that I got so sick bub. Thank you for always taking care of me. These moments really feel like forever to me. 

Your new laptop comes in tomorrow!! For whatever reason they sent it to Texas... what butts.

Anyways, I love you. I hope that you know how much I love you without me having to say words. I always always always want to be showing you how much I love you

Xoxo
M

https://youtu.be/doZOMXh_oIk

7-7

Hey baby!

You have been really stressed out about work lately. I wish I could do something to help because you get so stressed out and I feel bad. I know that it sucks so much that they expect you to do so only so much in such a little time frame. I wish that I could help make it not so horrible or be able to take something off of your work plate.

This weekend you're going to Buffalo with out me to clean out your old room and go through your old stuff. I wish I could explain in a better way how much I would want to go with you. I know that my reaction when I saw the picture in your old apartment of Amanda with your family really impacted you. I wish I could understand how to explain it to you better than it's different for you to have something in New Hampshire versus something that's hidden in your bedroom in Buffalo.

When I was cleaning out my old bedroom I found so many things and reminders of experiences and artifacts of things that I've never even thought to tell you about. I want to know everything about you I want to know how you got to me. I know it's weird to hear from me but I really do want to know about the path that you took to get to me, and I know a big part of that is who you have been with romantically or just physically.

I just want to be able to see like a little baby awkward Kevin. I want to see horrible chess club pictures and learn about different stories and hear about your experiences for things. I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I have changed my mind earlier. The way that you had talked about it made me think that you didn't want me to go. It was never a question of if I wanted to it was more of a statement of "you're going to hate your life."

I really do hope that you read this and reminisce on how much of a fun time you had while you were in Buffalo.

I love you so much baby.

Xoxo
M